- on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both
his shoes off.
- Give your evidence, - the King repeated angrily, - or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not.
- I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - the Hatter began, in a trembling
voice, - and I hadn't begun my tea - not above a week or so - and what
with the bread-and-butter getting so thin - and the twinkling of the tea
- The twinkling of the what? - said the King.
- It began with the tea, - the Hatter replied.
- Of course twinkling begins with a T! - said the King sharply. - Do
you take me for a dunce? Go on!
- I'm a poor man, - the Hatter went on, - and most things twinkled
after that - only the March Hare said
- I didn't! - said the Hatter.
- I deny it! - said the King: - leave out that part.
- Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said - the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.
- After that, - continued the Hatter, - I cut some more bread
and-butter
- But what did the Dormouse say? - one of the jury asked.
- That I can't remember, - said the Hatter.
- You MUST remember, - remarked the King, - or I'll have you
executed. The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. - I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - he began.
- You're a very poor speaker, - said the King. Here one of the
guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it
was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with
strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat
upon it.)
- I'm glad I've seen that done, - thought Alice. - I've so often read
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, - There was some attempts at
applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court, -
and I never understood what it meant till now.
- If that's all you know about it, you may stand down, - continued
the King.
- I can't go no lower, - said the Hatter: - I'm on the floor, as it
is.
- Then you may SIT down, - the King replied. Here the other
guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. - Come, that finished the
guinea-pigs! - thought Alice. - Now we shall get on better.
- I'd rather finish my tea, - said the Hatter, with an anxious look
at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
- You may go, - said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
- and just take his head off outside, - the Queen added to one of the
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to
the door.
- Call the next witness! - said the King. The next witness was the
Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed
who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near
the door began sneezing all at once.
- Give your evidence, - said the King.
- Shan't, - said the cook. The King looked anxiously at the White
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, - Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS
witness.
- Well, if I must, I must, - the King said, with a melancholy air,
and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, - What are tarts made of?
- Pepper, mostly, - said the cook.
- Treacle, - said a sleepy voice behind her.
- Collar that Dormouse, - the Queen shrieked out. - Behead that
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off
with his whiskers!
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the
cook had disappeared.
- Never mind! - said the King, with an air of great relief. - Call
the next witness. - And he added in an undertone to the Queen, - Really,
my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my
forehead ache!
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling
very curious to see what the next witness would be like, - for they
haven't got much evidence YET, - she said to herself. Imagine her
surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little
voice, the name - Alice!



CHAPTER XII

Alice's Evidence

- Here! - cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment
how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
she had accidentally upset the week before.
- Oh, I BEG your pardon! - she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay,
and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident
of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
they would die.
- The trial cannot proceed, - said the King in a very grave voice, -
until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-ALL, - he repeated
with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
it out again, and put it right; - not that it signifies much, - she said
to herself; - I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
one way up as the other.
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
court.
- What do you know about this business? - the King said to Alice.
- Nothing, - said Alice.
- Nothing WHATEVER? - persisted the King.
- Nothing whatever, - said Alice.
- That's very important, - the King said, turning to the jury. They
were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White
Rabbit interrupted: - UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course, - he
said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he
spoke.
- UNimportant, of course, I meant, - the King hastily said, and went
on to himself in an undertone,
- important - unimportant-unimportant - important - as if he were
trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down - important, - and some - unimportant.
Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; -
but it doesn't matter a bit, - she thought to herself.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
his note-book, cackled out - Silence! - and read out from his book,
- Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE
COURT.
Everybody looked at Alice. - I'M not a mile high, - said Alice. - You
are, - said the King. - Nearly two miles high, - added the Queen. - Well,
I shan't go, at any rate, - said Alice: - besides, that's not a regular
rule: you invented it just now.
- It's the oldest rule in the book, - said the King.
- Then it ought to be Number One, - said Alice. The King turned pale,
and shut his note-book hastily. - Consider your verdict, - he said to the
jury, in a low, trembling voice.
- There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty, - said the
White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; - this paper has just been
picked up.
- What's in it? - said the Queen.
- I haven't opened it yet, said the White Rabbit, - but it seems to
be a letter, written by the prisoner to - to somebody.
- It must have been that, - said the King, - unless it was written to
nobody, which isn't usual, you know.
- Who is it directed to? - said one of the jurymen.
- It isn't directed at all, - said the White Rabbit; - in fact,
there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE. - He unfolded the paper as he
spoke, and added - It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.
- Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? - asked another of they
jurymen.
- No, they're not, - said the White Rabbit, - and that's the queerest
thing about it. - (The jury all looked puzzled.)
- He must have imitated somebody else's hand, - said the King. (The
jury all brightened up again.)
- Please your Majesty, - said the Knave, - I didn't write it, and
they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.
- If you didn't sign it, - said the King, - that only makes the
matter worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed
your name like an honest man.
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first
really clever thing the King had said that day.
- That PROVES his guilt, - said the Queen.
- It proves nothing of the sort! - said Alice. - Why, you don't even
know what they're about!
- Read them, - said the King. The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.
- Where shall I begin, please your Majesty? - he asked.
- Begin at the beginning, - the King said gravely, - and go on till
you come to the end: then stop.
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:

- They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him:
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.

He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?

I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.

If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.

My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.

Don't let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.

- That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet, - said
the King, rubbing his hands; - so now let the jury
- If any one of them can explain it, - said Alice, (she had grown so
large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
him,) - I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of
meaning in it.
The jury all wrote down on their slates, - SHE doesn't believe
there's an atom of meaning in it, - but none of them attempted to explain
the paper.
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